Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
