And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
