there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
