I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
