I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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