I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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