I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Houston, we have a blender
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
