Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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