Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish i was in the wii world.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
