Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
