so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
