my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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