zippers are such a cool invention
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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