not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
