I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Porn is love you can see.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
