Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
