he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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