im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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