You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My pussy is not your playground.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
