I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
