you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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