i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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