cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
