I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
