he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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