You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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