just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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