It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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