I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Say something about gay babies.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
