I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
