i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
