can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
