Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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