Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
