Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
