It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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