So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
