I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So many bounce houses so little time
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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