I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
