Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
