Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
