Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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