just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
