theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
