Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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