He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
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Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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