she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
