You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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