I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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