You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
