Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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