well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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