ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
