you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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