so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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