When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
