I want to have your abortion
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
