i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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