she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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