wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
A bitchslap is in order.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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